Chapter 1: Boy Let Me Love You

[Loud The Insane]

Kuramochi was in the bath, he was almost finished. He still can’t believe he is in love with that idiot of his roommate, why him of all people? He hasn’t told anyone about this, but he knows very well what it feels like to be in love. He was going back to his room; he was all dressed up now and was drying his hair with a towel. When he opened the door, he saw Sawamura sleeping with the manga on his face.

“Are you serious?” Kuramochi said. He sighed and picked up the manga, he put it on the desk and played some video games for a while before going to sleep. That same night he had a nightmare, he was back in the game against Inashiro and saw how in the end all of them lost, how Masuko was leaving from their room, how he didn’t know what to tell his roommate the right words for his broken heart (and spirit too).

“AAHH!!” He heard Sawamura yelled. He was glad Sawamura woke him up from that nightmare, but he didn’t expect him to yell like that. Wait… yell? He groaned and throws a pillow at him.

“Shut up Sawamura!!” Kuramochi said. He heard Sawamura sob and tensed up, did he do something? Was he too harsh on him? Was it because he told him to shut up? He shook his head; he yelled just minutes ago… could it be?

“Are you crying?” Kuramochi said peeking his head to the bunk bed below. He saw Sawamura looked away, but he knew Sawamura was crying. He got down and kneels beside Sawamura’s bed while he put his arms at the edge of the bed, Sawamura turned to look at him.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“Yeah…” Sawamura said. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes before Kuramochi spoke again.

“Want to… talk about it?”

“... everyone was looking at me so… dearly and it kind of freak me out… you were looking at me like that too (don’t laugh at me though) and then everyone tried to rip me apart and… they all seem scary” Sawamura said his voice cracking. Kuramochi just looked at him and Sawamura felt the same pillow hit him again in the face.

“Stuuuupid… that’s what you get for reading so much shoujo!! Now stop crying and go to sleep… tomorrow we have practice” Kuramochi said. Sawamura smiled sadly at him and wiped away his tears.

“You’re right, Kuramochi-senpai…” Sawamura said. With that Sawamura tried to went back to sleep as he heard Kuramochi getting back to his bed. Kuramochi stared at the ceiling with indifferent eyes; he put his arm in his forehead and sighed softly.

Idiot…

Kuramochi thought. He moved his arm to his eyes and for the first time in his life he felt frustrated with himself. Why was the world so cruel to him? He was a good person, so why?

…how am I supposed to tell you how I feel about you now?

Kuramochi thought. That night a peaceful Sawamura managed to sleep thanks to his senpai and dream of something else, however Kuramochi had trouble sleeping and had a sleepless night until finally he got to sleep.

The next day everything went like normal… well… not that normal. Kuramochi was worried about Sawamura, sure he didn’t have yips anymore, but why did he had a nightmare right after he got over it? He shook his head, he was thinking too much about it. Right now he needed to concentrate; he’ll have to worry about things like that later.

Sawamura wasn’t running like his usual self, Furuya was way ahead of him while he was ‘running’ but it seemed more like he was jogging. The others haven’t noticed yet, but Furuya surely did. Because one: Sawamura was always running like a mad person and two: he was always smiling like an idiot or yelling at him, but today he was quiet and jogging. Furuya wondered if something happened to him, this happened once when he had the yips, but he didn’t have yips anymore… so what exactly is Sawamura so gloomy about?

“Hey…”

“What?” Sawamura said in a tired voice. Furuya hesitated to ask, it wasn’t his business anyways, but curiosity was nagging at him at the back of his mind. He shook his head, what if Sawamura didn’t want others to know? They may be rivals, but he respected Sawamura’s privacy just as he respected his.

“Nothing… forget it” Furuya said. With that both of them ended they morning running. Haruichi noticed Sawamura being all gloomy as Furuya dragged him to the bullpen to practice, sure he seems like he is struggling to get out of Furuya’s grip, but he didn’t seem like he was trying at all to him. The rest of the day seemed normal, but it wasn’t until it was finally time to eat dinner that Haruichi decided to confront him about it.

“Eijun-kun, are you okay? You seem to be sad”

“I’m fine, Haruichi…” Sawamura said. Haruichi and Furuya stopped what they were doing and look at Sawamura with surprise, Sawamura never called Haruichi like that, he always called him Harucchi. Something was wrong with Sawamura, but what could that be?

“Are you sure? You can tell us anything”

“…yeah… I’m fine” Sawamura said. For the first time Haruichi, Furuya, Toujou and Kanemaru thought that it was too quiet despite the noise around them. Haruichi looked at the table Kuramochi and Miyuki were seated, perhaps Kuramochi knew something. After dinner, Furuya, Haruichi, Toujou and (surprisingly) Kanemaru went to look for Kuramochi. He was going to enter his room, but Haruichi had told him to come with him for something.

Kuramochi was tense when the younger Kominato has told him to sit in his and Maezono’s room. Maezono was there too because Haruichi told him to stay for a bit and discuss something that all of them (including Maezono) refused to tell him what exactly it was about. The first years and Maezono looked at Kuramochi with a serious face that Kuramochi ask himself if he has ever done something bad to them.

“Do you know why Sawamura is all depress?”

“…what?”

“Do you know why Sawamura is all depressed?” repeated Haruichi with patient in his voice. Kuramochi blinked, of course they’ll notice! Even Miyuki comment something about that to him, he sighed, in moments like this… would Sawamura tell them what happened or not? But he wasn’t Sawamura and he would rather trust this people than Miyuki.

“He had a nightmare… and it seems that it affected him a lot”

“A nightmare?”

“What kind of nightmare?”

“…I promised Sawamura not to tell anyone” Kuramochi said. The others seemed to respect that and Kuramochi felt relieved, it wasn’t a complete lie what he told. He had promised himself not to tell everyone that Sawamura had a nightmare, but since he trusted them… then he rather not told them what the nightmare was about.

Sawamura looked Kuramochi play. He looked tired and seemed to be fighting sleep, but Kuramochi knew Sawamura always sleep well. Sawamura was going to fall asleep, but felt a hand ruffle his hair. Sawamura, startled, moved away and saw Kuramochi looking at him surprise with his hand in the air. Sawamura mumbled an apology and saw how Kuramochi slowly nodded and continue to play with a frown on his face, Sawamura felt his cheeks warm and shook his head.

What if he hurts me like the others? Thought Sawamura. He went to sleep instead and stared at the wall, Sawamura wasn’t afraid Kuramochi will tore him apart in pieces… he was afraid Kuramochi would break his heart. Sawamura was in love and he knew that (he has read a lot of shojo manga and knew exactly what it feels like), but what if it ended up badly like that time? What will he do then?

“I’m here for you” Sawamura closed his eyes. He knew Kuramochi was there for him, he knew. But how can he be so sure it wasn’t a lie this time? He has been told that many times and in the end he ended up getting heart broken. Nevertheless he felt relieved, for now he would distance himself a little bit from Kuramochi.

“I know” was all Sawamura said before going to sleep. Kuramochi paused the game and stared down at the controller in his hands, he looked at Sawamura sleeping peacefully in his bed and with a worried look on his face he turned off the console. He went to sleep and found himself staring at the ceiling again.

Dammit Sawamura! Why did you look at me like that?

Kuramochi closed his eyes, but all he could see was Sawamura’s scared face. He opened them again, he was a good person, he really was, but why did he had to suffer this? How is he going to approach Sawamura now if he is afraid of love? He was going slowly going to fall asleep, but he heard Sawamura mumble something he wishes he hadn’t heard.

“I’m sorry, Kuramochi-senpai… I’m sorry”